Dear RND:
I am a single women in my late 30's and I have just bought my first house. I am not dating anyone and I don't see a serious relationship happening any time soon. When I first considered buying my own place, my parents offered to help me by giving me the down payment. They expect me to pay them back the principal plus interest! My parents paid for my sister's wedding and when my brother got married, they gave him a sizable wedding gift. They don't have to pay for any wedding for me, and I think the down payment should be a "wedding" gift for me and I should not have to pay it back, nor the interest! What do you think?
Rose: Well I understand your point, and you certainly have a right to discuss it with your parents. It doesn't mean they will agree but you should always express your needs. I only ask that you get to the root of it, the real reason you would like this gift. I hear some resentment. In families, as in life, fairness doesn't always occur. Many times responsible siblings resent their less than responsible siblings for constantly being bailed out by parents. Sibling rivalry doesn't end at age 21. Yet aren't the rewards of being responsible, independent and free from your parents so much greater?
In this situation your siblings were only given a gift based on a celebration and tradition. So what is the resentment really about? What do you hope to gain from that money? Some parents wouldn't even help their children out with a down payment. If it's really about fairness, then why not throw yourself a huge party celebrating your new home inviting as many friends and relatives as possible. There are other ways to get your fair share of gifts without getting married and asking your parents for it.
I don't think this is really about the money or gifts though. I advise you take a good look inside and decide what you really hope to gain from it. I think the long term satisfaction of rejoicing in your independence and the new home you solely bought, will greatly outweigh it.
D: Are you kidding me? Yes you should have to pay it back! When your parents offered to loan you the money, from what you write here, that's what it was - a loan. Unless they offered the money as a gift, you should pay back the loan plus interest as per the initial agreement, and be thankful for the generosity of your parents. Many do not have this option and getting a bank loan is not always the easiest thing to do, especially in today's market. Rose writes that you can "throw yourself a huge party celebrating your new home...There are other ways to get your fair share of gifts without getting married and asking your parents for it". What is with this sense of entitlement? Get a grip and enjoy the good things that you have...a new home, a generous family, a good job (I assume this because you just bought your new home) and most likely good friends. So stop feeling that you are "owed" by your family because you did not get married and you "don't see a serious relationship happening any time soon!" That's just silly.
I am a single women in my late 30's and I have just bought my first house. I am not dating anyone and I don't see a serious relationship happening any time soon. When I first considered buying my own place, my parents offered to help me by giving me the down payment. They expect me to pay them back the principal plus interest! My parents paid for my sister's wedding and when my brother got married, they gave him a sizable wedding gift. They don't have to pay for any wedding for me, and I think the down payment should be a "wedding" gift for me and I should not have to pay it back, nor the interest! What do you think?
Rose: Well I understand your point, and you certainly have a right to discuss it with your parents. It doesn't mean they will agree but you should always express your needs. I only ask that you get to the root of it, the real reason you would like this gift. I hear some resentment. In families, as in life, fairness doesn't always occur. Many times responsible siblings resent their less than responsible siblings for constantly being bailed out by parents. Sibling rivalry doesn't end at age 21. Yet aren't the rewards of being responsible, independent and free from your parents so much greater?
In this situation your siblings were only given a gift based on a celebration and tradition. So what is the resentment really about? What do you hope to gain from that money? Some parents wouldn't even help their children out with a down payment. If it's really about fairness, then why not throw yourself a huge party celebrating your new home inviting as many friends and relatives as possible. There are other ways to get your fair share of gifts without getting married and asking your parents for it.
I don't think this is really about the money or gifts though. I advise you take a good look inside and decide what you really hope to gain from it. I think the long term satisfaction of rejoicing in your independence and the new home you solely bought, will greatly outweigh it.
D: Are you kidding me? Yes you should have to pay it back! When your parents offered to loan you the money, from what you write here, that's what it was - a loan. Unless they offered the money as a gift, you should pay back the loan plus interest as per the initial agreement, and be thankful for the generosity of your parents. Many do not have this option and getting a bank loan is not always the easiest thing to do, especially in today's market. Rose writes that you can "throw yourself a huge party celebrating your new home...There are other ways to get your fair share of gifts without getting married and asking your parents for it". What is with this sense of entitlement? Get a grip and enjoy the good things that you have...a new home, a generous family, a good job (I assume this because you just bought your new home) and most likely good friends. So stop feeling that you are "owed" by your family because you did not get married and you "don't see a serious relationship happening any time soon!" That's just silly.