RND: My boyfriend, "Mike" and I have a great relationship. We have been dating about 8 months, and we have the best time together. However, there is one problem, and that is Mike's best friend, Brian. Brian is a nice guy, but he is always in our business. Recently, Mike and Brian went on a boy's trip to Vegas. On one of the nights, it was late and I received a text from Mike saying, " I just was with another girl. Sorry". I was devastated and I could not figure out why Mike would do this to me. I tried to text him back right away, but he wouldn't answer. I was crushed. Then the next morning Mike called me and I asked him all about it, and he said he didn't know what I was talking about, but at one point in the night, Brian took his phone. Brian thinks he is being funny and he has done some other things to "sabotage" our relationship. Mike tells me not to worry about it because that is always how Brian has been, but it is irritating. And he is always around. I was thinking of fixing him up with one of my single friends, but I don't want to make my problem their problem. How can I resolve this?
Rose: It sounds like Brian is emotionally immature and fears losing Mike. It's not personal; apparently this behavior seems ongoing and is accepted by Mike because he loves his friend. So pick your battles in this situation. Are you willing to draw the line and have him choose between his best friend or his girlfriend? It's a gamble. Or can you try and work through it? Brian isn't going to change but you can certainly try and talk to him about how his games hurt your feelings and assure him that you would never get in the way of their friendship. You can also appeal to Mike about needing more time alone. If nothing changes and Brian continues to play these games and Mike continues to enable him, you might have to reconsider this relationship if your needs aren't being met.
D: You did not mention your ages, but I do hope that Brian is not older than 6th grade. Seriously, Brian needs a life of his own, but you have no control over that. I would say talk to Mike, but you have already let him know that Brian's behavior irritates you, and it sounds like he brushed it off. This does not leave you many options. Whoa - I think I am going to agree with Rose on a few points here! Say it isn't so! You have options, but they may not be what you want. Brian is not going to go away, so you can talk to him about how you feel. You can start to plan activities that are for couples only, which won't include Brian. You can just put up with it and maybe you will become desensitized to Brian's behavior, or you can give Mike an ultimatum - you or Brian, but then you must be prepared to stick with the decision. The positive thing here, is that you have control over the decision. Just focus on what is most important to you.
Rose: It sounds like Brian is emotionally immature and fears losing Mike. It's not personal; apparently this behavior seems ongoing and is accepted by Mike because he loves his friend. So pick your battles in this situation. Are you willing to draw the line and have him choose between his best friend or his girlfriend? It's a gamble. Or can you try and work through it? Brian isn't going to change but you can certainly try and talk to him about how his games hurt your feelings and assure him that you would never get in the way of their friendship. You can also appeal to Mike about needing more time alone. If nothing changes and Brian continues to play these games and Mike continues to enable him, you might have to reconsider this relationship if your needs aren't being met.
D: You did not mention your ages, but I do hope that Brian is not older than 6th grade. Seriously, Brian needs a life of his own, but you have no control over that. I would say talk to Mike, but you have already let him know that Brian's behavior irritates you, and it sounds like he brushed it off. This does not leave you many options. Whoa - I think I am going to agree with Rose on a few points here! Say it isn't so! You have options, but they may not be what you want. Brian is not going to go away, so you can talk to him about how you feel. You can start to plan activities that are for couples only, which won't include Brian. You can just put up with it and maybe you will become desensitized to Brian's behavior, or you can give Mike an ultimatum - you or Brian, but then you must be prepared to stick with the decision. The positive thing here, is that you have control over the decision. Just focus on what is most important to you.