RND:
I love my cousin Sandy dearly, but lately I am so angry with her. Sandy's mom died of MS when Sandy was in her 20's. Her parents were divorced, so Sandy's aunt Cathy took care of her mom until the end. That same aunt took Sandy and her siblings inheritance after her mother died and spent it on herself and her own children. It was a significant amount and they purchased luxury items like cars, etc. It's never talked about it, but the entire extended family is well aware of it. Sandy has 2 young children now and Sandy and her husband do very well financially. Her sister Maggie though struggles and could have used that money, so she is pretty bitter about it. Sandy has always forgiven Aunt Cathy and has always welcomed her family at her home during the holidays. We all endure at these parties, but lately Sandy is spending a great deal of time with Aunt Cathy and her daughters. Maggie and I have noticed all the happy family outing pictures on Facebook. When I try and talk to Sandy about it, she responds "my children need to know my mom's side of the family". I don't know how she doesn't get this makes us all sick, especially Maggie. How do I get it through to her that she's making what Cathy did OK.

R: I'm not sure how you broach this subject with Sandy, but trying to talk her into being angry isn't healthy. Anger is a secondary emotion that comes up when you feel your needs are not being met. It is covering feelings of hurt or frustration. Continuing to talk to Sandy about what you feel Cathy did will never release those feelings for you or Maggie.
Sandy has chosen to forgive Cathy. We don't forgive people for them, we do it for us. We do it so we can create our happiness, not react to someone else. You certainly don't have to forget what she did either and allow her to be a part of your lives. You don't have to go to those family holiday parties at Sandy's house. I don't think Sandy's trying to minimize what happened, she just doesn't feel the same way you and Maggie feel about it. She lost her mother and since her parents are divorced, she doesn't want to lose her one connection to that side of the family. It sounds like this is more about her mother than it is about Cathy. Maybe Sandy is grateful she took care of her mom or maybe she doesn't need the money. Whatever the reason, she finds forgiveness and being part of their lives more important than the money. What do you think her mother would want for Aunt Cathy, and Maggie and Sandy? Why isn't Maggie mad at her mother for not making sure they received their inheritance? Has Maggie ever told Aunt Cathy how she feels? Have you? There are lots of ways of handling your feelings of resentment, but how fair do you think it is to direct it at Sandy after what's already been done to her.

D: First, I am not sure how the aunt took all the inheritance because there are usually parameters set up for that, but...the money is gone. The bigger loss, of course, is losing one's mother, so, Maggie needs to let it go, as do you and the rest of the family. I say, don't be bitter. Be grateful that the mom had a loving person in her life who took care of her until the end. Where was the rest of the family when Sandy and Maggie's mom was sick? And why did the mom need an aunt to care for her when she had an adult daughter? Anyhow, if your Aunt Cathy did take all the money as you say, I suggest everyone needs to let it go. If Sandy wants to befriend the aunt, keep your thoughts to yourself. It will just stir up trouble and it can't bring their mom back nor her money. And that will never lead to a good place. Add a comment

I have a confession to make. Due to my predilection for printed media, I, and my ilk, are responsible for the annihilation of countless trees.

I'm not a lumberjack, (although that would OK be according to Monty Python) mostly because no one with even a passing familiarity with me would let me loose with a large electric, gnawing, potential weapon, not if they liked me.

Rather than dwell on the subject of my war wounds however, let's return to the forest; it's boundaries teaming with life and energy, the musical whistle of the wind as it sets leaves dancing, the dappled sunlight and sparkling rain; I've probably destroyed at least a medium-sized state full, all because I like paper.

Newspapers, magazines, notebooks, calendars, shopping lists, Christmas cards, trees, trees and more trees. And I love trees. Some of my best friends are trees, which makes sharing a movie impossible, but still, I don't hold that against them. Every relationship has it's problems.

I, with acknowledged hypocrisy, resent when large trucks equipped with cherry pickers and burly men, rumble into my neighborhood to destroy a little bit of shade. Every spring, I shake my fist at those who lop off huge boughs of trees which were most likely planted before the burly men were burly sparks in their father's eyes.

If the trimming were accomplished with some finesse, I suppose I could rationally credit the clipping with my ability to receive electricity. But these bough bullies seem to "trim" trees like children cut their own hair, with an eye toward transforming the majestic giants into a laughing stock even to the lowly shrubs.

Somewhere inside my rational self, and I do have one, I know the tree professionals are most likely perfectly fine people who are providing a needed service dictated to them by city officials who seem to have more interest in keeping Elgin from going dark than maintaining a leafy covered lane. Still, what's a little power loss among friends? It's not as if they go out of their way to fling themselves over the wires attached to our homes, except when they do. But these are rogue trees! Must all of them suffer?

Anyway, what were we talking about? Paper. I love it.

Reading newspapers online will never satisfy me like unfolding the paper every morning and wresting it into submission while sipping a steaming beverage. Just FYI, it's best to put the tea safely on a level and sturdy surface before turning to page three to find out which politician is going to jail this week, learn from my experience.

Not only do I read newspapers, but I purchase and read books with absolutely no electrical gadgetry involved unless you count Amazon.com, which I don't for the sake of my point here.

And where would popular music be without paper? If you answered; easier to purchase and listen to, and added, what has paper got to do with music anyway, I'd have an answer: Buzz off, kid. Nobody likes a smart alleck. Plus your answer is, if not wrong, misguided.

Picture Elvis Presley singing the old favorite, This Mail is Undeliverable and Has Been Returned
rather than the iconic, Return to Sender. Doesn't pack the same punch, does it? Or the Marvelettes or the Beatles singing, Please Mr. Server rather than Please Mr Postman. Music may never have recovered.

Probably the most tree-centric of my ghastly crimes comes as a result of my love of magazines. l adore the slick, scented pages of fashion magazines, especially when the seasons change and it takes a small pickup truck to deliver the holy grail of advertising and low self-esteem. I subscribe to at least a dozen magazines with various subject matter a month which contributes to my prowess at Trivial Pursuit as well as my postal carriers back problems.

Once I've left the used periodicals at my allergist's office, (you're welcome readers of last year's Ragwood Weekly) I buy more print media. Wouldn't you think I'd be receiving dividends from the publishers especially with the state of the medium? In fact, even when my writing appears within the pages, they seem reluctant to return more than a small percentage of what I've invested.

The struggle I live with has yet to drive me from the written page which may bring many of you to the obvious question; why aren't there more magazines? No, I'm just deflecting. The question would be, why am I writing for an on-line publication for which I have a plausible and concise explanation, which I will share after I get through my current stack of reading material.

I'd love to hear from you, especially if you were amused or if you're looking for a freelance reporter/writer.

Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
My professional page is at jamiegreco.webs.com
My blog is at Jamiegreco.wordpress.com

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