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An open letter to Chuck Klosterman

This column is in response to Chuck Klosterman's column on Chris Johnson. Please read his perspective before you read mine. Mr. Klosterman is one of the finest sports writers working today. He has published seven books and is a frequent contributor on ESPN and Grantland. I am the smallest of potatoes compared to him, but I still had to voice my disagreement with his latest column.

480px-Chris_Johnson_sitting_on_his_helmet I love fantasy football. I spend a good 80% of my week mulling over match ups, debating how much to spend on the waiver wire, and generally treating each week as though the outcome determined my reputation amongst my friends. I know it's absolutely meaningless, and I know that my fantasy team has no value to anyone outside of my league. That being said, I still don't care about Chris Johnson.

I don't know Chris Johnson, and I never will. We're never going to meet, and my only connection to him is going to be through a television set. He's a guy that got hired to carry a brown object and avoid being tackled by other guys who get paid to make him drop that object.

In the end, Chris Johnson is an employee. That's how we look at him. He's an employee of the Titans, he's an employee of the NFL, and as his job is to compete for our amusement, he is an employee of the fans. It's unpleasant that his professional existence boils down to that, but since he gets paid millions of dollars to play a sport (most of which ends up coming from the people watching him), it doesn't seem like an unreasonable mindset for the football-watching populace to take.

The fact is, these are men who are paid unbelievable sums of money to play a game. I know it's a worn-out argument, but it certainly has legs in this discussion. Most of these men make more money than several generations of a family. They pay a price for it through injury, but there are plenty of jobs in this country that are hazardous to one's health; and if an employee were to stop showing up to work at one of those jobs because they wanted more money, they would get fired immediately.

In 2012, we are in the throws of the worst economy that anyone alive today has ever been a part of. Meanwhile athletes rake in millions. If those millions aren't enough, they refuse to work until they get more millions. Don't get me wrong, we would do the same in their position; but in the end they are far closer to the people the Occupy folks protested against than the actual protestors.

Because of this, it's natural that we would dehumanize them. We don't think of them as people, but how could we? They are beyond any level of physical specimen that we ever see in person, they make more than anyone we know and their concerns day-to-day have absolutely nothing in common with our lives. Even their motivation to win a game is different than ours. That's why fantasy is so popular- it's the equalizer.

Fantasy football is inherently selfish, but it also gives us access to these players on a tangible level. Sure, watching them win makes us feel good, but having a team of these guys that we control at least lets us feel like the two worlds are connected. Without fantasy, we as a people would just be spending billions per year watching these guys play a game that they get paid to play. At least with fantasy, we have something to link our lives to theirs. We get some value out of the whole spectacle, even if it's just the value of being better at a made up sport than our friends.

In the end, I don't care about Chris Johnson outside of football. Inside of football, as Chris isn't my favorite player, I don't care about him outside of fantasy football-why would I? Do I get a benefit out of his legacy being favorable? As a rational person I certainly care about his ultimate outcome as a human being, but I don't think football has anything to do with it.

There are two possible outcomes to life, and Chris Johnson's football legacy shouldn't have any bearing on either one. Either there is nothing after the end, in which case Chris Johnson was a guy who could run fast and made millions of dollars off the fact people liked to watch him run fast; or there is something after the final credits- in which case his prowess at carrying a leather shape shouldn't factor into his eternal destiny anyway.

So maybe it's unpleasant that the majority of football fans hate Chris Johnson because he is tanking in the fantasy football world, but I don't think it's unfair or even unjust. It's the reality that most people face every day. If you don't succeed, you fail. The difference is, in our world that carries serious consequences. We get reprimanded, demoted or fired- and most of us don't have $30 million in guaranteed retirement.

That's why we are so eager to turn on players -and people- like Chris. In our world, performing like he does means we lose. Our workplace doesn't forgive things like this. Since fantasy is the the bridge between our worlds, we hold him to those standards on our teams. We feel like he owes us something because in any reality where you invest something- money, time, reputation- you expect a return.

Maybe it's unreasonable that we feel like he owes us, but it's just as unreasonable that he could feel like we are being unfair. If you hold out because you feel like you are more valuable than what is being offered, you're making a statement that you are valuable. So when people take you at your word and you make them look foolish, they will get pissed. It doesn't matter if they are paying you money, or relying on you to make them money. You made a statement and didn't follow up.

Sure he wasn't present at our drafts, but he's not present in our living rooms when we lost because he puts up 20 yards. It costs him our anger if he hurts our fictional teams, but we feel cheated because he gets paid on that day, and we don't. We react with what we know, and we know demanding more money and then failing to show why results in negativity. If the furor of fantasy football fans is his greatest fear, then he doesn't have enough problems.

I don't weep for Chris Johnson, or anyone else whose one skill made them a living. He managed to take his greatest asset and turn it into a lifetime of riches. If we don't like him because he doesn't produce, even if our disdain is based on a fictional universe, why would he care? For that matter, why would anyone?

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Cindy's Super sale, beer tasting, costume party highight the weekend in Elgin

As the City of Elgin's website states: "Welcome to Elgin, an exceptional community to live in and an exciting destination to visit. Experience the vitality and accessibility that makes Elgin a truly great place...The City in the Suburbs. ™" I have to say, that these days, I cannot argue with that. Not only is Elgin home to educational, but attention-grabbing museums, but also like larger cities it offers the best in theatre, fine restaurants and those unique little shops that line the streets of city centres across the nation. There really is something interesting and entertaining going on in Elgin all the time, and this weekend and beyond is no exception!

I hope you are reading this as soon as this article comes out (well, let's be honest – I just hope you read it at all!) because there are going on's that are going on this Friday and Saturday! So, if you don't have plans, but still want to make the most of your weekend, this can be your 2-day guide.

On Friday, a great way to end your work day and start your weekend, would be to stop by the Elgin Public House - 219 E. Chicago Street, Elgin – for a free beer tasting. This tasting is all about German beers...the 100% natural Hacker Pschorr; the super smooth Warsteiner Pilsner; and the caramel colored Franziskaner Dunkel...and you don't need to sprechen Deutsch to enjoy these robust beers. And don't forget about EPH's appetizers list. You'll need something to compliment and to wash down your refreshing German beers! May I suggest you could order the Hummus Duo with southwest black bean and eggplant served with warm pita triangles, or maybe the house specialty of Fried Pickles (which I tried for the first time recently – why did I wait so long?!), or even the EPH huge soft pretzels with their house cheese sauce and EPH honey mustard. The weekend is looking (and tasting) good already! (elginpublichouse.com)

Then Saturday, September 29th, 8pm, stroll on down the street to 161 E. Chicago Street - home of Martini Room – for their "Pirates and Wenches" event. Leave it up to Martini Room to come up with the most festive and fun events in town! Come dressed in your finest pirate or wench costume because a pirate's treasure awaits the best dressed lad or lassie! And since rum is a pirate's drink of choice, expect nothing but the best in Caliche Rum Martini specials and samplings! Yo ho ho...rumor has it that even Captain Jack Sparrow will be there! So get your eye patch sorted and put your best wooden leg forward and hop on down to Martini Room! (martiniroomelgin.com)

Also on Saturday, and also on Chicago Street (220 E. Chicago Street) - but during the day (8am – 2pm) is Cindy's Super Sale, where women and girls of all ages can purchase (for a suggested donation of $25/dress) a gown of her dreams. There are 1,000's of gowns to choose from and a 1,000 reasons why you need one...or two...or more! Let's see - There is the Downtown Neighborhood Associations, "Prom Time" gala coming up on 10/11/12, where everyone is dressing from their favorite prom year. Then the City of Elgin's, "Nightmare on Chicago Street" is happening on 10/27/12, and how fun would it be to get a gown and zombify it for the annual street fest? And at this price, you can always just get a gown to get a gown.

So, there you go...this City in the Suburbs has just offered a few different things to do this weekend that would rival any big city – and you don't have to drive far to enjoy! Add a comment

Folks staked their 'clam' for Elgin's 'pearl rush'

Well, it wasn't exactly a gold rush, and there were no roaring saloons or claim jumping wars. But visions of sudden wealth once led scores of pearl hunters to the Fox River.
For a few years beginning about 1908, large numbers of freshwater pearls could be found in clam shells from Carpentersville south to the Five Island shallows.
Elgin had pearl fever. Clam diggers wandered the riverbanks and jewelers were kept busy appraising the finds. Professional pearl buyers made regular visits to the city. At the peak of the big pearl rush in 1911, they were said to be paying $100 to S150 for exceptional specimens, but $25 was probably more typical. (A week's wages in local factories at that time averaged about the same.)
The boom was given impetus by the discovery of a shell below the Chicago Street Bridge in which there were 342 small pearls. All were pure white in color and averaged three-eighths of a carat in size.
The clam fishers would wait until the river was low in the hot summer months, and then wade in until their feet touched a clam. They would then reach down for their prize and toss it in a sack. When they had a bag full, they headed for shore and opened the shells. They usually found odd shaped slugs, if anything.
Some shells were sold to a button factory.
Although one Elgin digger claimed to have been offered $1,200 by a Chicago jewelry firm for a large find he picked up in the Fox River, reports of the pearl bonanza were probably exaggerated. Freshwater pearls are not as lustrous as saltwater pearls obtained from oysters. Often irregularly shaped, they were less in demand than smooth round pearls.
While no local diggers became wealthy, the big losers were obviously the clams. When they became scarce, Elgin's pearl boom ended.
Nevertheless, the quest for sudden riches continues. But today the search is more commonly pursued in brokerage offices, racetracks, the Grand Victoria Casino and in real estate. Add a comment

If all wishes were granted, they'd run out of ponies

When you wish upon a star, your dream comes true. -Jiminy Cricket

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. -16th Century Proverb

I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner. -A Very Peculiar Person

Wishes are nonsense, a fact everyone over ten accepts, except maybe Paris Hilton, who undoubtedly has found from personal experience, that wishes do come true if you have millions of dollars and too much time on your hands.

Despite this general understanding, however, we continue, as a culture to wish: I wish it would stop raining. I wish I had Jennifer Anniston's hair. I wish the Cubs would win the Pennant. None of us have any expectation that these things might happen because, in the real world, some things are simply unattainable.

Yet the wish is encamped in our everyday language with little expectation that it will pack up and move on, much like your Mother-in-Law. (I didn't make her my Mother-in-Law, because I like mine.)

Would it surprise you to know that the word "wish" shows up as 857th on a list of the most frequently used words in the English language? It would surprise me too, because I just made that up. But the fact that some of you were impressed by that number proves that it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility.

Unlike many goofy ideas which some folks readily believe, the idea of wishes pre-dates the Internet, Hollywood and The National Enquirer. In fact, the idea of a generous Genie in a bottle with the ability to grant wishes even predates sixties TV.

In the ancient tale of the Aladdin and His Wonderful Lamp, our hero finds an old lamp in the desert, just after he does a musical number with a monkey. Kidding, that was Disney. In the traditional story, Aladdin discovers a Genie, who sounds just like Robin Williams, who is required to grant three wishes to whomever attempts to buff up the tarnished old thing. Or the lamp.

Three wishes. Who hasn't daydreamed about this idea? If you're anything like me, (and let's hope not, for your sake,) you feel a little thrill at the concept. What would I choose if everything in the world were offered to me in the form of three wishes? Would I blow one wishing that the Cracker Barrel near my home would re-open? Probably. I have two more, right?

Would I try the old, "For my first wish, I want three more wishes?" Or just ask for an unlimited supply of cash, like HMOs have? That way I could buy my own Cracker Barrel.

It's an exciting prospect, albeit impossible. Cracker Barrel won't even answer my calls.

Although, we have all resigned ourselves to the sad truth that wishes are just playgrounds for the mind, we seem disinclined to impart this knowledge to our children. In fact, each time their birthday rolls around, we set a cake ablaze, plop it down in front of their little faces, (which are complete, for the most part, with highly flammable hair) and demand they make a wish. Not only do we insist the child silently imparts a wish before putting out the potential bonfire, we advise them not to tell anyone about the nature of the wish. Why is that? Does in negate the warranty?

If we had put some thought into this rule before it was on the books, and really wanted to mess with their developing minds, (and isn't that what parenting is all about?) we'd tell them to wish aloud and then go about proving that wishes are a legitimate function of receiving one's true desire. However, since 85% of all children under five wish for a pony, (yes, I made that up as well,) it's probably just as well that they keep their wishes to themselves.

Yahoo! Answers offers a list of ways to assure a wish will come true, which include, but are not limited to: Blowing a fallen eyelash off of a friend's finger, holding one's breath for the entirety of a tunnel, (which depending on the tunnel, might make you wish you hadn't done that while lying in traction), tossing a coin into a wishing well or fountain, (the mall's favorite course of action), seeing a shooting star, seeing 11:11 on a clock, (which intrigues me as my mother, who makes things up, says I was born at 11:11am on November 11th), and catching a feather.
We, as a culture, are so enamored of the idea of wishing, we have even turned to the macabre to procure out deepest desires. How many of us have clutched the Y-shaped ends of a "wishbone" and pulled to see which of us will get a wish? That is someone's breastbone, for crying out loud.

I suppose, if there were a logical explanation of why wishes are out of the question it's that, for every wish granted, another would be negated. For instance, my wish that my favorite family restaurant (which I won't name again, but its initials are C. B.) would return to Elgin would conflict with someone else's wish to their blood pumping through their veins unencumbered.

Plus, somebody would have to be in charge of granting the wishes and there are only so many ponies.

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Historic Elgin Cemetery Walk set for Sunday

It's officially fall – well might as well be! In the Northern Hemisphere, the 2012 autumn equinox takes places on Saturday, September 22, 2012 at 9:49am CST. What are your favorite signs of autumn? Some like the changing of the weather and the color of the leaves. Others love the onset of the football season or the anticipation of Halloween. In Elgin, we have all that and much more to look forward to...Nightmare on Chicago Street, an Elgin street fest that turns the downtown streets into a Zombie-safe zone. You have to see it and experience to believe it. (nightmareonchicagostreet.com). Then we have the Downtown Neighborhood Association's "Prom Time" themed Gala, which will have dinner, dancing and a chosen Prom King and Queen! (downtownelgin.com). Then there is the Elgin Area Historical Society's Annual Cemetery Walk at Bluff City Cemetery, 945 Bluff City Boulevard – approximately ½ mile east of Liberty Street (Rt. 25). This year marks the 25th year that the Cemetery Walk will take place, and what a year this will be!

Jerry Turnquist, friend to the Elgin Area Historical Museum and fifth generation Elgin local, started the first Historic Cemetery Walk, and from there it has grown into an annual event that attracts over 400 people each year. Mr. Turnquist must have realized that there is a rich history in this town and it all started with early settlers, James T. Gifford and his brother Hezekiah Gifford, who in 1835 came to coordinates 42°2′22″N 88°17′19″W and named it Elgin after the Scottish hymn "The Song of Elgin".

For the past 24 years, Elgin community contributors from long-ago have been celebrated at the Cemetery Walk. At this year's walk on Sunday, September 23, 2012 11am – 3:30pm, you can expect to meet (or least the actors portraying each former citizen) Dr. Anne Martin, who in the late 1800's, was a strong advocate for the nouveau water therapy applications used for pain relief and such. You will also meet Mr. Carl Parlasca, who began the ever-so-popular Elgin Hiawatha Pageant of the 1950's and 60's. And, of course, even I know of the next residents, George and Mary Lord, who donated the land where Lord's Park stands today.

At the Elgin Area Historical Society Annual Cemetery Walk, you will meet many actor-portrayed individuals all decked out in the appropriate period pieces, as they guide you from site to site. You will see the simplest headstones to the most elaborate and ornate memorials that carvers had spent many hours etching, inscribing and whittling away at until it was perfect for those at rest.

This year's Walk will welcome Ms. Marge Edwards from Dundee's Historical Society who will present a short program on Victorian superstitions. I wonder if she will talk about these: In the Victorian era when one died, family members would draw the curtains and clocks would be stopped at the time of death or one would have bad luck. (Well, "one" already did have bad luck in that house with the stopped clock!) Or the survivors would cover or turn the mirrors in the house to prevent the deceased spirits from being trapped in the looking glass. The only way to find out, is to come to this interesting, entertaining and even educational event!

And since this is the 25th Year Celebration, a new book by Elgin residents Steve and Laura Stroud (also co-chairs for the Bluff City Cemetery Walk), "Silent City" which includes graphics by Tom Latournau and David Siengenthaler on research, will be available for purchase. It contains photos, historical accounts, maps of old cemeteries and stories on how some Elgin cemeteries were moved...yes, moved.

Many people of the years gone by had a vision for this river-runs-through-it-town. It certainly has seen its ups and downs, and has had its heyday and its struggles. But one thing remains constant – Citizens from the Victorian times, to the Roaring 20's, Fabulous 50's and to present times all had a common goal: To maintain the City of Elgin as a vital town that it is and to build on its vitality to shape it into the vibrant town it can be.

So to celebrate these founders and movers and shakers of the past, by stopping by Bluff City Cemetery this Sunday, September 23, 2012! Tickets may be purchased at elginhistory.org, Elgin Area Historical Society Museum (360 Park Street, Elgin) or Ace Hardware at 258 N. Spring Street, Elgin for a pre-purchase rate of only $7. At the event on Sunday, September 23, 11am – 3:30pm tickets are $8 at the gate, Seniors and those 13-18 are $5 and 12 and under, accompanied by an adult – free! So, this autumn, start a new tradition by visiting the scenic Bluff City Cemetery and learn about "Elgin's rich heritage through the lives of its citizens"! Add a comment

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